Reality Check no. 7: Detractor Vulnerability Quiz

Use to form below to fill out your answers. We will email you a copy of the completed form which you can print and paste into your Ambition Journal. NOTE: Your name and e-mail will never be published; we need them simply to tell that you are a real person and so that your completed forms can be e-mailed to you.

All too often, we ambitious women allow ourselves to be overly influenced by detractors. Because it never occurs to us to question motives or do a quick mental fact check about whether or not this person knows what the heck he or she is talking about. Time to pull out a reality check tool to nip this tendency in the bud.

Are you giving too much airtime to naysayers, saboteurs, doubters and underminers?

 

Name:	Email Address:
If someone puts down my idea, my first reaction is, "Maybe they're right." true false: My first reaction is, "They're wrong; they just don't get it. Too bad, so sad for them."
When someone reacts negatively to something I've just shared about my work, I become flustered and can't articulate what I've already mapped out in my own head. true false: I am clear and verbally confident when it comes to succinctly laying out what I've already figured out in my own mind and fact-checked, even when someone disagrees or criticizes.
When I first get a sense that someone is subtly trying to undermine me, I immediately think, "I must be imagining it; she (or he) is definitely on my side." true false: I have pretty good instincts when it comes to spotting a passive-aggressive or hostile people and identifying them. As such, I trust my gut.
I've just shared my latest, greatest ambition and strategic plan, and the first words out of the listener's mouth are, "But how are you going to fund it? There's no room in the budget." I immediately go into fear mode. true false: My first thought is, This listener hasn't seen my balance sheet; my second, he is thinking-small. My third thought is, There is always a way. I'm ambitious, after all.
If a colleague smirks and mutters something under her breath after I state an opinion in a team meeting, I worry that I've just sounded stupid. true false: I think that the colleague looks not only unprofessional but inappropriate and am confident that others in the meeting regard her similarly. And I take quick action to call her on it publicly, such as, "Jane, you just muttered something under-your-
I am particularly likely to be knocked off balance when an undermining comment is made by someone who holds a powerful or prestigious job title. true false: I recognize that not everyone in a power position has good people or leadership skills. This person's negative attitude will come back to bite him. I don't let it affect me or my self-confidence.
If someone says to me, "Oh, no, you don't want to do that, do you?" my first reaction will likely be to doubt my own idea or goal. true false: My reaction is to say or think, "How do you know what I want to do?" Or I might say, "Thanks for clearing up for me what I want to do," chuckling and shaking my head dismissively. And I'm thinking, "What do you know about this, anyway?" And then I
If a colleague responds to my ambitious idea by observing that, "Competition in this area is fierce, and very, very few people succeed," my confidence takes a nosedive. true false: I recognize that this person is probably jealous or highly competitive, or maybe even an underachiever, and isn't self-aware or strategic enough to keep it under wraps.
If I'm turned down for a conventional bank loan to help capitalize my business, I have second thoughts about moving forward with my venture. true false: If I can't initially finance the venture through traditional means, I am confident I will be able to identify innovative ways or find other creative, bootstrapping, interim methods.
If I've failed on a first attempt to launch an important new project, I falter and feel shaken inside. true false: I know that failures come with successes. Even an Ivy League business school study found that the key difference between startups that succeed and those that fail is that the successful companies shifted gears and changed ineffectual business strat
If a colleague says to me, "Don't do it that way, do it this (my) way," I feel shaken in my conviction about the right course of action. true false: I say aloud or think to myself, "I am confident that my way is the right way."
If someone says to me about a goal I've set for myself, "You're too old (or too young) to do that!" I want to crawl into hole. true false: I understand that age is irrelevant. Or, more accurately, age gives me a particular developmental vantage point and perspective, wisdom, maturity, and experience which I can leverage to achieve my goals.

 

If you answered true to two or more of these statements, you need to beef up your detractor-defense strategies. Not to worry. It's perfectly normal for your confidence to take a hit when a negative person assaults your idea or something about you. The important thing is not to let those feelings linger or get you down. Recognize it as a detractor situation.  Feel the impact for a minute, or for an hour, or for a day (and yes, of course, it's sometimes painful), and then let it go. Keep yourself moving forward, optimistic—and most important, armed with strategies to protect yourself and your power from further attack.